Wednesday, August 20

Beauty sale!!!

Technically this doesn’t fall under the auspices of Free! because it costs money but everything is only a dollar, which makes it like almost free.

Beauty Sale Rule #1  Ditch the agenda.

Although there are hundreds and hundreds of products spread out on literally every surface of the conference room, you’ll never find exactly what you’re looking for. Stick to general categories like moisturizer, leave-in conditioner or lipstick. Sometimes you’ll stumble across a specific brand you actually use, but the odds are low. Same goes for your family and friends. It’s fun to pick up stuff for other people but make sure they understand that they’ll get a new mascara, just not Maybelline Great Lash.

Beauty Sale Rule #2  Save shampoo and bodywash for last.

There are always plenty of bottles of shampoo and bodywash so hold off on buying these until prices drop to a dollar a bag. This won’t happen until the end of the sale, when all the other magazines in the building trudge through and everything is picked over, but there will be lots of goodies left, mostly—you guessed it—shampoo and bodywash.

Beauty Sale Rule #3  Think twice before going for makeup.

Makeup is a serious time investment. Small packaging means a higher product to person ratio. Translation: You’ll stand over a cardboard box filled with eyeshadow, lipstick and mascara jockeying for position with fifteen other hopefuls. The payoff with makeup can be huge, so definitely get your elbows in there if it’s important to you but just know that you might lose out on the pomade and noncomedogenic moisturizer with SPF.

Highlights

• Conair travel blow-dryer
• John Frida Collection Frizz-Ease Daily Nourishment
• AMBI Skincare Even & Clear Daily Moisturizer
• Keri Glassman Skin Appétit Detoxifying Nutri-Cleanser
• Bumble and Bumble Seaweed Shampoo and Conditioner
• Revercel Warming Pumpkin Enzyme Mask
• Barex Italiana Gloss Styling Glaze
• Clinique Clarifying Lotion
• Stila Long Wearing Lip Color

ps> All the money goes to help battered abused women in a shelter. So the more you spend, the more you save.

Friday, August 15

Photo shoot!

Penny in the research department is a really talented photographer and she’s completely obsessed with Betty. She drops by my desk all the time to see how she’s doing. Last week, she gave her a diamond choker. (It was really just a ring from a supermarket vending machine.) Today she has her camera and takes a bunch of pictures of Betty playing guitar, standing by her locker and torturing the little pedestrians as they try to cross the street. Betty looks good. The red in her fez really brings out the red of the Kikkoman soy packets. Also, she’s a performer so she really knows how to play to the crowd. Caitlin says it’s her biggest show since she rocked Webster Hall in 2002.

• Fun-size KitKats
• Pink loofah
• 6 canisters new Creme de Menthe Altoids
• Cherry Pharm Tart Cherry Juice

Thursday, August 14

The crab dip dish of death!

Caitlin takes a silver crab dip dish in the shape of a crab because it’s sturdy and heavy and the legs are good for gripping with one hand if she’s ever attacked in her bed and has to defend herself with whatever is nearby. Right now she keeps a bat under her bed but she’s been searching for something that doesn’t look like a weapon if the police were to investigate the incident. She’s very excited about the crab dip dish. I point out that she could also serve crab dip in it when not using it as a mortal weapon. Two uses in one! But she shakes her head. Absolutely not. It’s way too ugly.

• 2 packages of 12 brightly colored Party Picks
• Aquapac 100% Waterproof container for your money and ID
• Heart-covered shot glasses
• Navy Adidas running shorts for infants 0 to 3 months
• Squishy orange ball the size of a handball

Wednesday, August 13

Giveaway table rule #6

You can try to fight it but if you hang out around a giveaway table long enough, at some point you’ll find yourself taking the most crazy, useless thing without even wondering why.

Case in point: Woodland Scenics Scenic Accents. Itty-bitty people less than a half inch tall posed in seemingly natural ways to make your layout or diorama complete. I snag two sets. Pedestrians: Six people in the act of being pedestrians. They are Hailing a Cab Guy, Standing with One Hand in His Pocket Guy, Handbag at Hip Woman, Jacket Tossed Jauntily Over One Shoulder Guy, White-Gloved Hands Clenched in Distress Girl and Reading Newspaper Guy. There are four tiny statues in the Goodbye People set: Woman with Toddler on Hip Waving, Businessmen Shaking Hands, Granny Waving White Handkerchief, Couple Kissing.

I arrange the unsuspecting innocent bystanders around Betty so it looks like a scene from The Attack of the 50-Foot Woman or a Godzilla movie. Watch out, Tokyo!

giveaway giveaway! The first person to email me with what they’d do with the Goodbye People set wins it.

Tuesday, August 12

Taste-Test Tuesday!

What: CytoSport Cytomax SportEnergy Drink in Pomegranate Berry

Huh?: Performance-enhancing juice that lowers lactic acid levels, stabilizes power output, reduced oxygen consumption and decreases perceived exertion

Shoutout: Nothing. The website doesn’t even have a motto.

Expectation: To be instantly transformed into a hulking Chinese gymnast or Gabrielle Reese at the very least

Reality: No superhuman traits. After drinking all 24 ounces, I still feel like me but bloated and with a bitter taste in my mouth. Maybe the drink requires some sort of energy exertion for the superpowers to kick in. Or maybe not. The website clearly states that none of the claims have been proven by the FDA.

trivia time> Making your bed in the morning can keep depression away.

Monday, August 11

Zen day!

Adele notices Zen and the Art of Housekeeping on the giveaway table and completely rolls her eyes. She says “zen and the art of” is the most overused cliché in the history of the world and she wishes that guy had never written Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Repair so she wouldn’t have to see it everywhere. Caitlin and I spend the rest of the day speaking “zen and the art of.” When it’s time to go to lunch, Caitlin says, “Zen and the art of food selection.” When I finish entering addresses in a mailing list, I say, “Zen and the art of printing labels.” Caitlin going to the bathroom: Zen and the art of flushing. Me getting a piece of cheddar: Zen and the art of refrigerator redistribution. Us driving Adele crazy: Zen and the art of Zen and the art of.

ps> Beauty sale next week!

Friday, August 8

Self-help-palooza!

• The Politics of Stupid: The Cure for Obesity by Susan Powter
• I Do: Planning Your Wedding with Nothing but Net by Christa Terry
• Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away by Bethany Marshall
• Zen and the Art of Housekeeping: The Path to Finding Meaning in Your Cleaning by Lauren Lassel Brownell
• The Anti-Inflammatory Zone: Reversing the Silent Epidemic That’s Destroying Our Health by Barry Sears
• Get a Life That Doesn’t Suck: 10 Surefire Ways to Live Life and Love the Ride by Michelle DeAngelis
• The Ultimate Recipe for Fitness: Spa Cuisine from the Oaks at Ojai and the Palms at Palm Springs by Sheila Cluff
• The Surgery-Free Makeover: All You Need to Know for Great Skin and a Younger Face by Brandith Irwin
• Introvert Power: Why your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength by Laurie Helgoe
• The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It by M. Gary Neuman
• Turn It Up! How to Perform at Your Highest Level for a Lifetime by Jeffrey Spencer
• Wear Your Life Well: Use What You’ve Got to Get What You Want by Marilu Henner
• The Anglo Files: A Field Guide to the British by Sarah Lyall
• Dinner Diaries: Raising Whole Wheat Kids in a White Bread World by Betsy Block
• After the War Zone: A Practical Guide for Returning Troops and Their Families by Matt Friedman

Thursday, August 7

My fridge runneth over!

As if by magic, a huge box of 3/4-oz Cabot sharp cheddar minis appears on the giveaway table. Good-bye, scarcity. Hello, gluttony. I take two gigantic handfuls, which, after a little Tetris-ing, fit perfectly in my fridge. (Sadly, the butter pats have to go. Adios, old amigos. You served me well.) The best part of the deal: The cheese is regular full-fat cheddar. That’s right. Not low-fat or no-fat but full-fat. It’s crazy. I can’t imagine why they sent it to Savvy. We’re all about cutting calories and fat with substitutions like apple sauce and Splenda. But I am grateful and happy.

Wednesday, August 6

Bad-Break Betty’s world is growing by leaps and bounds.

She acquired three new accessories today. 1) A transistor radio in the shape of a small wheeled suitcase, ideal for her on-the-go lifestyle. 2) A lunch bag filled with small erasers in the shape of sushi pieces. 3) A mini-fez complete with tassel. Caitlin says it’s perfect because Betty’s music has taken on an exotic Moroccan feel in recent weeks. She wants to replace her guitar with a sitar but know-it-all Adele points out that the sitar is a traditional Indian instrument, not Moroccan. So we spend the rest of the afternoon trying to come up with a traditional Moroccan instrument she can make out of a coffee cup lid. We don’t know any so we check Wiki. After reading the entry, we decide that it’s way more punk rock for her to play Moroccan music on a Fender.

ps> The Be Peace T-shirt is a hit. Three people compliment me on it. One even asks where I got it. But small thing: The material is really stretchy and by the end of the day the V-neck is sagging so low you can almost see my bra. Note to self: Next time, bring hoodie.

Tuesday, August 5

Taste-Test Tuesday!

What: Primal Strips in seitan Teriyaki

Huh?: Lowfat, meatless jerky

Shoutout: “Fun meaty satisfaction!”

Expectation: I don’t get seitan. I’m down with tofu but wheat gluten? Uh, no. (See TTT, July 15, for more thoughts on wheat.)

Reality: Chewy and weird. The texture is like a sponge. The strips taste like peppery teriyaki sauce and stick to my teeth like caramel. I still don’t get seitan.

ps> I put six pats of butter from the cafeteria in my fridge. There. Now it’s fully stocked.

Monday, August 4

Snag!

A turquoise waffle-weave cotton T-shirt with the words Be Peace in the middle of a bright red heart. It’s by a company called Mimi & Coco. I Google Mimi & Coco to see how much the shirt costs but I can’t find the exact one. But Bluefly has a black lightweight thermal top that looks pretty similar for $36. Whoo-hoo!

Friday, August 1

Attack of the workout videos!

There must be a pile of 20. My faves:

• Yin & Yang Yoga with Simon Lower
• Dance with Lisa: Dance to Enhance
• Baywatch Beach Body Workout with Lauren Jones
• Stiletto Recovery the Workout featuring Emily Splichal

trivia time> In the late 1800s and early 1900s, women used to shave off their eyebrows and wear glued-on pairs made of mouse fur.